They plan their children's lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. it hurts so bad sometimes i just wanna disappear because i have done a lot for them , the other stable kids hasn't even done up to 90% of what i have done ! Though I did live in a brand new house custom built. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 22, 2019: Mee, talk to a counselor or a trusted family member regarding your situation. Question: If you know that your father was from a family of people who homicidally hounded family members to suicide by crushing their self-esteem, is it normal to continue hating such a person until old age? Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. It is extremely saddening that parents always think that they are doing the right things from 1-10 and are ignorant of the psychological effects that will forever imprint on the child future and well being. i want to be the wide reciever at school.mom says that i will never make it cause i knoe nothing about football. At the end of the day I'll just say I never really loved her but I do. For example, like going to school. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I've had a single person stick with me for the last ten years. My Parents Don't Like my Partner (Boyfriend or Girlfriend), High Pressure for High Grades Leads to High Kids, Effective Ways to Talk to Your Kids so They will Listen, Boosting Your Child's Performance: Encouraging Self-Motivation, Why You Need To Sleep On It: Sleep Helps Your Brain Consolidate New Memories, Why Kids Don't Tell Their Parents They Are Being Bullied, And How To Spot The Signs. Your father is abusive & his behavior is inexcusable. she shuts out my emotions. I am perfectly happy with what I do. Hard to tell what could be helpful so far. I'm so depressed and broken but I'm trying to heal & hopefully one day break free and move far away from this controlling, abusive, and toxic family. Dear Carol, Many parents fail to realize this. Being an overbearing parent leads to pushback from the child and is not worth it in the long run. She really really wanted an extremely smart kid. However, there are parents who equate mistakes with grave mortal sins. Since I was 20, I've been living with my grandmother who has Alzheimers. I'm in my late 20's and still trying to get through life. Ever since i was a child i had developed depression because i was always in such a negative space. They're only happy with me unless I did something exactly to their expectations. Family vote once upon a Time my dad's vote was to be counted as 3pts mom2ots bros1pt me,? But them telling me that everyday is enough to ruin my day. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. Yesterday a coworker threatened to beat me up and shoot me. I'm 29 this year, having suicidal thoughts become normal to me till one day I decided to become my own self-motivator. You call in the help phoned sometimes, but they are often kids or inexperienced I don't know I'm not passing judgment but we never click, I just end up getting disconnected. Then after a few years, I decided to take classes in community college. Question: My mom only cares about my grades more than me and is a control freak. Bad experience.. don't believe, then she retired. Parents refuse to acknowledge how insidious comparing children are for many children are emotionally, psychologically, & even psychically damaged by comparing them to other children. After that, I would be placed in the closet for who knows how long. Parents must realize that children are individuals & that they DON'T OWN their children. My mom didn't make the same mistakes as my grandma so the cycle didn't continue. Obsessing over a child's grades and making that the determining factor for your happiness as a parent is a bad decision. This man & his family are toxic. Just Cs and Bs so it wasn't suspicious. Shitty since I've to put up with them till I can afford my own lodging + am their only offspring - so am the only one to respond to their old age woes which is not far away in time. He exemplifies the immature parent. Kids are sadistic with one another. I spent a full year wakibg up with panic attacks and anxiety but even after that they tell me i need to work harder. I used to have suicide thoughts when I was little but I give up on that because of the internet that make me have a lot of online friends that supported me .I feel stupid sometimes because when I have negative thoughts there goes the positive pop out of no where .,. If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. Please seek psychological help. You don't need such people in your life. Sleep Deprivation, Behavior, And Academic Performance, I Caught my Child Smoking Marijuana (Pot) Again, Caring For Elderly Parents At Home: How To Cope. There are individuals who aspire to uncommon goals and unique careers. They believe that by comparing one child to another, the "errant" one will improve. Then she launched into a story about one father who recently planted himself in her classroom during one of her lesson planning periods to complain about his son's mediocre grades. Really thankful for it, I've been trying to be super human. Find other relatives who love & care for you. She once read my diary which I wrote about how I feel unappreciated, useless because of all the things she said to me. I knew that my mam wasnt the best but I think I really understand it now. They care about your grades because they want a good future for you. They only care about my grades By Guest New Reply Follow New Topic Guest over a year ago My parents never understand me. This is wrong as each child is unique. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. I too had only my dog (& my grandma 4,000 miles away) who loved me.My "dad" was narcissist; and mentally, emotionally, & psychologically abusive.My "mom" was physically anusive to me. There is an old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I'm now 62. Those who are constantly compared to others have a diminished sense of individuality and ultimately come to believe that they are worthless. Does she think we're stupid and don't know anything!" I thought it was pretty darn cute and, to be honest, I was . Everybody got mad at me so I quit the team. I already knew about my low self-esteem because of my family. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 07, 2018: Don't listen to your mother. Teenagers who think they can do what they want, known they will get in trouble for doing it. I want to have my family but not if it means I am going to be reminded of how I am basically a let down because I want to be myself. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 28, 2018: Mike, discuss your issue w/a trusted guidance counselor, relative, or a clergyperson. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to me. My mother was did all of this, and molested me. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 20, 2018: Get help & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your family. Probably because for my public school career I was bullied. (I am seventy-four.). So everything mom say IS, WILL BE right. Do they want to live through you-you have to live YOUR OWN life, not THEIRS. Often, the comparison does the opposite. I dont want to blame anyone for the life I have." How To Deal With Teenagers: How Bad Is Peer Pressure, And Can Parents Influence The Peer Group? My parents & brothers even told me I deserved to be raped & that me getting raped was 'my fault'. When I was growing up I never hung out with my dad. You are a worthwhile, beautiful person. Maybe is because Im from a hispanic culture, but to me, parents are the absolute law. WOW!! When they win a baseball game, there are loud cheers. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 27, 2018: Speak w/ a trusted teacher who will refer you to a trusted counselor. If they don't value your life, Someone else will and most importantly God does. Here are the ten things parents do that can destroy their children's self-esteem. Mom keeps restricting me, nagging me if she doesn't satisfied with everything I did. Parents should encourage their children to think outside the box and be creative. They insist that it is safest to conform to the prevailing philosophy and strongly discourage their children's individualism and nonconformity because they think that if their children refuse to conform to the prevailing groupthink, they will be considered oddballs or worse, be ostracized and left alone, or the parents themselves will be ostracized and denigrated by their neighbors and associates. It started with the lion share of chores. This past week, I've never felt so deflated, I'm practically ok with dying. When Can My Teenager Go On A Vacation Without Me? They still came in first, they didn't need me anyways. I hung out in my cave like room or over at my friend's house as a teen. Question: I think my parents wanted a perfect child instead they got me. Again, parents need to check their egos and loosen up a bit. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. Teaching your child to accept mistakes and failures positively is a good way to go about things. My mom doesn't value creativity or musical talent, so I'm forever a disappointment. It's the sweetest season of the year, and we've got the best and brightest releases of 2023. I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didnt work hard enough. Many people are living their parents' lives, not their own authentic lives, much to their regret. 2 Andrew Weill three grown children at least Author has 24.8K answers and 188.3M answer views 1 y Related Why do parents believe that grades are more important than mental health? So marks for school always has to be 90% and up and nothing less. you dont cry now i see why he does that because that is clearly abuse i still have scars on my body physical scars ! Second therapist is known locally for being pretty good. I was pushed into gifted programs in school. Meantime, I performed exceptionally at primary school, but my mother said it was only because I had dumb kids in my year. Treated me very well and gave me lots. If I ever have children,I would never treat them the way my mother treats me.So, one day My moms phone buzzes.My mom is busy,so I look.And Im scrolling and I see that my mom and sister are having a conversation back and forth.And I read a text message thats my mom wrote that said,I never said she was perfect,but she isnt a smart ass.It Hurted me so bad And when I read that.It felt like I got hit by a car,and felt as if I was punched in the stomach.My self esteem went down so quick.No kid should ever feel that way like their not smart,or good enough.For all those parents reading this or people who plan on being parents,dont ever treat your children child like that.You May think,its nothing,but the pain and rejection stings so bad.And you may forget all about it.But the child will remember it forever.Its a scar that will never heal. They do not view their kids as thinking, independent, autonomous individuals in their own right but instead as automatons and pieces of property that they can dictate and program at will. How should I react here? Direct a movie and we'll give you an iconic film to binge this weekend. From my perspective, I hate children. Last report card, I got a C in math. Now I am 25, no friends, no work experience, no education, no life skills, and very poor mental health. Answer: Your father is an abusive parent. My mother has always treated me as an idiot. (i'm the eldest) i also remember trying to open up to my mother but that didn't end well either. You feel that whatever your sibling does for good or bad, you feel somehow that you are responsible for your sibling's actions when such isn't necessarily the case. But I can't say I'm surprised anytime there is a tradgid headline on the news, hate breeds more hate. Your official late-to-the-game guide to K-Pop, Taylor Swift made an appearance at The 1975's concert that has us quaking, TikTok fashion trends you should look out for this winter, 4 things your period *definitely* won't stop you from doing, 4 ways to feel better when you have a cold, Your guide to creating the ultimate long-distance relationship playlist, How to tell if you're crushing on your girl BFF, The perfect to-go cups to keep your drink warm, WIN! head wounds ! Many parents base all their expectations on the grade point average of a child. I'm pretty intelligent but can't do the school thing. Disassociate yourself from this family & find people who respect/love you for what you are. I have never even had a girlfriend not that I'm ugly but timid I lack social skills to approach a lady. I'm 34 and have literally just developed a sense of real control over my thoughts and feelings, to help guide myself from this point onwards. Both my parents never had caring conversations either, and didnt care if I need help, didnt care about my feelings or thoughts. Part of the gym is a mental component, I don't think I'd be able to do this any other way. I've never had money so I've never been able to take care of myself. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 15, 2018: So.let's start all things first by that my mother and father crushed when i was like 4.Then my mother moved to another country.I left with my father. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to . That means they care about you. His friends would be out in the yard drinking beer with him I knew I should not be in earshot cuz that's man talk not for a lil girls ears so I was to be with my mother wherever she went and I was emotionally neglected. 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